Ina Garten, famed for her culinary books and television show, faced personal and professional challenges that tested her marriage in the late 1970s. At this time, Garten was diligently managing her gourmet food store, the Barefoot Contessa, in the Hamptons, New York.
While Ina was struggling with her workload, Jeffrey Garten, her husband since 1968, was working in Washington, DC. The couple, who started dating in 1965, saw each other mostly on weekends during this tumultuous period.
The physical distance between them compounded the emotional distance Ina felt as she was consumed by her work responsibilities which included cooking, cleaning, shopping, and managing her store.
An Overwhelming Work Life Leads To Marriage Strains
“While I was still cooking, cleaning, shopping, and managing the store, I was doing it as a businesswoman, not a wife. My responsibilities made it impossible for me to even think about anything else,” Ina explained in her memoir. The relentless pace left her feeling disconnected from her roles outside her business, most notably her marriage.
During his weekend visits, Jeffrey found himself sidelined, a mere distraction to Ina’s frenetic schedule. “When Jeffrey came on weekends, he was a distraction. I didn’t pay enough attention to him. I just wanted everyone to leave me alone so I could concentrate on the store,” Ina disclosed about the strains in their relationship.
This emotional chasm prompted Ina to consider a radical solution - a separation. “It was the hardest thing I ever did. I told him that I needed to be on my own,” she recalled. The uncertainty of the separation’s duration loomed large, as she admitted, “I didn’t say whether it was for now … or forever.”
Jeffrey Supports Ina's Need for Space
The response from Jeffrey to Ina’s request for space was supportive yet heartbreaking. “In true Jeffrey form, he said, ‘If you feel like you need to be on your own, you need to do it.’ He packed his bag and went home to Washington with no plan to come back,” Ina shared, illustrating the depth of their marital crisis.
However, this separation was not the end of their story but a turning point. The couple eventually decided to seek therapy to reconcile and understand each other’s needs better. “He was that determined to convince me he was serious about making our marriage work,” she reflected on Jeffrey’s commitment.
The period of separation proved to be a crucial time for self-reflection and growth for both Ina and Jeffrey. “I wouldn’t be able to figure out who I was or what I wanted unless I was on my own. I needed that freedom,” said Ina, emphasizing the importance of this time apart for her personal development.
Therapy and Reconciliation Bring Renewed Strength
Ina deemed her decision to separate from Jeffrey as both crazy and dangerous, but essential for the evolution of their relationship. “I think how crazy that was and how dangerous it was, but we wouldn’t have the relationship we have now if I hadn’t done it. It changed him, but it also changed me too,” Garten remarked on the transformative nature of their trials.
Ina and Jeffrey faced their individual and joint issues, which allowed them to build a stronger, more resilient relationship that has endured for over a half-century. As of 2024, they have been married for 56 years.
Garten’s memoir, set to release on October 1, reveals a deeper look into her personal life and the complex interplay of love, identity, and ambition in her marriage.
